19.12.13

Heyo, never let go of me


Heyo, never let go of me
Hold tight it's gonna get hard to breathe
(Hold tight, baby)
I'll never never let you drown
Even if we're going down
Heyo, never let go of me
When I'm sinkin'
Loose lips sink ships that's what someone told me
But this boat will stay afloat for as long as you hold me
We've been through rough water
Anytime it was tougher
But the fact I came back to remind you I love ya
And if that's not enough
Well I can one up ya
I pinky promise touch thumbs I'll never make you suffer
And all I ask in return is some reciprocation
I'll be your oxygen when you're running out of patience
So take a deep breath, and hold it tight
My heart is yours just reassure me that you'll hold it right
Don't be offended, I'm just the cautious type
To always be around and hold you down
And never under, like
Heyo, never let go of me
Hold tight it's gonna get hard to breathe
(Hold tight baby, hold tight)
I will never let you drown (never)
Even if we're going down (going down)
Heyo, never let go of me
When I'm sinkin'
This is my message in a bottle
I hope that you receive it
If it washes up at your feet then open it and read it
To whom it may concern, insert your name here
It's destiny that we were both born in the same year
Three months apart, but on the same sphere
Staring at the sun, inhaling the same air
This type of love we got, they'll never get it
I'll be the Leo DiCaprio to your Kate Winslet
Sometimes I panic but I never take it for granted
I'll hold you 'til my lips turn blue
Like Jack in Titanic
And if I lose my grip, then just promise me this
You'll keep my love in a locket
And always rock it, like
Heyo, never let go of me
(Never let go, never let go)
Hold tight it's gonna get hard to breathe
(Hold tight)
I will never let you drown
Even if we're going down
Heyo, never let go of me
When I'm sinkin'
There's times where like
We find it hard to hold on to something
That was never meant to be held onto
But you let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be
If not, just let it be
Heyo, never let go of me
(Never let go, never let go)
Hold tight it's gonna get hard to breathe
(Hold tight, hold tight)
I will never let you drown
Even if we're going down (going down)
Heyo, never let go of me
When I'm sinkin'

I never wanna shake their hands and stay

I'll believe when the walls stop turning
I'll believe when the storm is through
I believe I hear them say
David won't stop writing songs
I never wanna shake their hands and stay
I never wanna shake their hands and stay
Oh no let's go
We are young, we are one
Let us shine for what it's worth
To your place, place, place
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way somehow
Hold me close, close, close
We're losing time, time, time
We're losing time, time, time
We're falling to the ground
I'll believe when the sky is burning
I'll believe when I see the view
I believe I heard them say
David won't stop dreaming now
And everybody clap your hands and shout
And everybody clap your hands and shout
Oh no, they shout
We are young, we are one
Let us shine for what it's worth
To your place, place, place
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way somehow
Hold me close, close, close
We're losing time, time, time
We're losing time, time, time
We're falling to the ground
We are young, we are one
Let us shine for what it's worth
To your place, place, place
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way, way, way
Hold me close
We're losing time
Hold me close
We're falling to the ground
Taxi driver the sun is rising
Damn the sirens, keep on driving
Flashing light, oh what a night
I miss her bad, I lost my head
And it's sunning, we're still runing
For her rooftop, our last stop
Barefoot, naked, don't you let me go
To your place, place, place
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way somehow
Hold me close, close, close
We're losing time, time, time
We're losing time, time, time
We're falling to the ground
We are young, we are one
Let us shine for what it's worth
To your place, place, place
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way, way, way
We're on our way
La la la la la
(This Night Will Never End)
La la la la la
La la la la la this night will never end, this night will never end
Hold me close, we're losing time
Hold me close, we're falling to the ground

18.12.13

I can't stay here

I can't stay here
I am not the girl who runs and hides
Afraid of what could be
And I will go there
I need time, but know that things are always closer
Than they seem
Now I'll do more than dream
I'm gonna fly
Gonna crash right through the sky
Gonna touch the sun
Show everyone
That it's
All or nothing
All or nothing
This is my life
I'm not gonna live it twice
There's no in-between
Take it to extremes
Cause it's
All or nothing
All or nothing
Or nothing at all
I can't give up
Can't just let it burn
And watch the fire
A star that turn to dust 
And now, please don't judge me
Take my hand and say
You'll always wish me well
And send me luck
Cause that would
Be enough
Nothing can stop us now
There was never a shadow of doubt

17.12.13

"
1. Do not kill yourself. Killing yourself is very messy and your mother will cry over you. It is not beautiful or brave, and even if it was, you will not be around to see that.

2. Washing your hair is going to be a chore. But you should do it anyway. Because you will feel better about yourself.

3. Get up late. Have a lay in. Sleep past your alarm. You have a very long life ahead of you and for now you should appreciate the cold side of your pillow.

4. He is going to break your heart but he’s just another male human who finds it hard to deal with Mondays, too. So in a month you’ll wake up and you won’t even remember that little scar on his knuckle you kissed.

5. Don’t spend hours looking up what your name means on google. Your name is your name and you should go out there and do heroic and good deeds and give your name your own meaning.

6. Don’t fight your demons. Your demons are here to teach you lessons. Sit down with your demons and have a drink and a chat and learn their names and talk about the burns on their fingers and scratches on their ankles. Some of them are very nice.

7. Music is good for your soul. Rap music will energise you and boost your ego and pop music will cheer you up. Indie music will make you think and emotional songs will make you cry and think about that boy again. It’s healthy.

8. Victim complexes are not attractive. Boys and girls will not date you because you are sad. They are not going to date you and kiss your aching bones and cure you of your dragging depression. Wake up. Take a bath. Do your hair. Be attractive.

9. Sadness is not poetic. Depression is not beautiful. Laying in bed all day and eating too much is lazy and disgusting and it is not tragic or pretty. Get up. Go outside. Let the sun warm your bones. Live.

10. If it makes you happy, buy twenty of it. Dedicate your life to it. Print it on tv shirts and collect things and draw art of it. Do not care what people think. They are the unhappy people you need to avoid. The abuse they will hurl at you is painless compared to how sad they are. Pity them. Remain happy.

11. You are allowed to be angry. But the world is not working against you. The flowers do not bloom for you and when your mother shouts ask her if she is okay instead of thinking she hates you. She never will. The world walks beside you and is silent. It does not trip you up or carry you.

12. Day and night cycles are natural. Humans only sleep at night because we used to avoid predators in the dark because of our poor eyesight. Stay awake until 5am watching bad reality shows. Wake up at 7pm and have breakfast.

13. Eat when you are hungry. Being bored does not constitute a chocolate bar. Sleep when you are tired. Do not mindlessly obey the sleep at night rule. If you are not tired, do not sleep.

"

Do not get me wrong though, I love christmas


I was thinking about christmas and was happy till I remembered that it meant family time. I love my family but sometimes not really.
I barely know half of my family (and I'm not even talking about my dad's side which is even worse).
When we get together it's awkward cause it's like I'm talking to strangers and they're so judgmental and I hate that more than anything. It's like they suddenly have opinion about everything in my life when they don't even know who I am or what has been going on with me for the past year - I guess that's the definition of family though. I love (part of) them but sometimes I can't stand them and thinking about spending so long with them all makes me want to run away.


My mum just spent an hour reciting all my flaws, physically and as a person. She's lucky that I have enough self esteem and that I don't give a fuck about what people say about me. I then told her that and she said 'that's bad cause if you'd listened to what I tell you you'd try to improve' no I'd be/feel miserable.


I used to have such close relationships with so many people - now half of them are not even in my life anymore and the other half doesn't care
when and how has this happened I don't know I don't understand

Next year I'm hopefully moving to England, all on my own, leaving everyone behind and starting a new life with new people in a new place.
it's gonna be the fucking best and I can't wait,

And if college goes wrong for me in the first year I'll be working already so I'll just start living my life the way I want to. I've never wanted to be one of those people who study/work their entire lives and forget to actually live.

14.11.13

me before you (and another love letter to my everything)


“Y’know, I think maybe you’re the sun. I think maybe you’re my sun. And I’m just orbiting you.”


Hi baby

are you proud of me?
I'm looking out for myself now
me before everybody else
it took some time (and a hard fall)
but I finally made it
isn't that what I've promised you some time ago?

thank you for being that one person who was always there
I'm doing this for myself
but you helped me through it
and I could never thank you enough for this smile I'm wearing now
and always (especially around you)
you're everything to me
and I love you so much

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

you'll always have a special place in my heart
(I was supposed to write about me being a good girl and taking care of myself but I guess you never really leave my mind)
love you love you love you love you love you loveyouloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyouloveyou



«If the world was fair, someone would bring you the moon and stars every night, the sun every morning»

I can’t give you any more

You cut the pieces out
I couldn’t bend to fit
You’ve had enough of me
Called me a tragedy

I opened up for you
Told you some secrets too
I threw my diaries out
There’s nothing more to hide from you

I swear I gave my all
but still you ask for more
I guess I’ll go
I’m sorry I can’t be
all that you need, all that you ask from me
I swear I gave my all
I can’t give you any more

There’s nothing left unsaid
Your ghost lies in my bed
I bet you sleep just fine
with all your stupid pride

To open up to dare to trust
To be let down, to fade like dust
is what I fear the most
My ability to trust is what you stole

I swear I gave my all
but still you ask for more
I guess I’ll go
I’m sorry I can’t be
all that you need, all that you ever asked from me
I swear I gave my all
Can’t give you anymore

I'm wide awake and now it's clear to me


I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete
Falling from cloud 9
It was out of the blue, I'm
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm letting you go, I'm
I'm falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling (I'm wide awake)
I am trying to hold on (I'm wide awake)
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side (I'm wide awake)
But I'm not blind anymore
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9
It was out of the blue, I'm
Crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm letting you go, I'm
I'm falling from cloud 9
I'm wide awake

13.11.13

This is all I can be

I am the diamond you left in the dust
I am the future you lost in the past
Seems like I never compared
Wouldn't notice if I disappeared
You stole the love that I saved for myself
And I watched you give it to somebody else
But these scars no longer I hide
I found the light you shut inside
Couldn't love me if you tried
Am I still not good enough?
Am I still not worth that much?
I'm sorry for the way my life turned out
Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now
Guess I'm still not good enough
Does it burn
Knowing I used all the pain?
Does it hurt
Knowing you're fuel to my flame?
Don't look back
Don't need your regrets
Thank god you left my love behind
Couldn't change me if you tried
Am I still not good enough?
Am I still not worth that much?
I'm sorry for the way my life turned out
Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now
Guess I'm still not good enough
Release your curse
'Cause I know my worth
Those wounds you made are gone
You waiting nothing, yeah
Your love wore thin
And I never win
You want the best
So sorry that's clearly not me
This is all I can be
Am I still not good enough?
Am I still not worth that much?
I'm sorry for the way my life turned out
Sorry for the smile I'm wearing now
Guess I'm still not good enough

4.11.13

I am not you

I am not sad anymore.
I am not weak or tender or quiet like you remember because the second you said those words, closed that door, I sold my soul to the part of myself I had buried in order to love you.
And then your glances and words, throwing knives with no return about my changing of habits and ways of living, being, and I nodded and smiled, dying silently a little bit inside.
But I’m not sad anymore
and if you could see me now you wouldn’t be so awfully tall for I’ve grown both inner and outer and I can run for hours, taught my muscles to carry this weight you left me with because I was constantly struggling with being weightless and heavy
sad or angry
in love or unloved.
Know that if I cry
it’s not out of sadness
it’s because I spent a year on you I can’t get back
and it was the best year of my life
because I learned something I could never learn alone.
That I don’t need anyone to make myself grow.



I needed an explosion to wake me up, to force me to get up from that damned floor and realise what was really going on.
I needed a slap in the face.
You were the hardest year of my life and I’ve never been so happy. What does that say about me?
I am slowly trying hard to blur out the last months because they’re ugly and I don’t want us to be the evidence of how easy it is for heaven to turn into hell so I try to recall the beginning.
You turned cold and unkind and I just wanted to do you well.
I just wanted to do you well even though you never did me well.
So I am not a broken heart.
I am not this year and I am not your fault.
I am muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day, but bones are stronger once they heal and I am smiling to the bus driver and replacing my groceries once a week and I am not sitting for hours in the shower anymore.
I am the way a life unfolds and bloom and seasons come and go and I am the way the spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life.
And I am not your fault. 




(thank you charlotte for inspiring me with your words)  

14.10.13

Oceans / Consumed by you

Come with me I'll take you to the ocean where we can breathe
You and me together hand in hand just like it used to be
The time of moon is right to scrutinise
Free me

We used to be the ones who never cared about the others
Used to have another world, where nothing used to matter
We had our pills and our broken little wings
Bottle after bottle fighting gravity to stop this spin

And I remember when we drove all night
To find another place another time
But you decided to be free from me
You choose reality
Reality instead of me

No don't let me down
Don't go, I wont be fine
How you can't see
You're taking life from me
Lover don't speak
You always disagree
When we can't see
We're learning to believe
Believe in what we feel
So close your eyes
I'll show you love tonight

It's started out so slowly drifting further from the others
The violence every night and the silence screaming murder
I tried to give you time to get used to my escape
Every body down I will intoxicate

And the piano full of blood
From the songs that I've been bleeding
A bottle full of wine I am standing on the ceiling
I'm dancing here alone every night until you come
I just wanted to be holy but please just come back

Home, don't let me down
Don't go, I won't be fine
How you can't see
You're taking life from me
Lover don't speak
You always disagree
When we can't see
Were learning to believe
Believe in what we feel
So close your eyes
I'll show you love tonight

And I remember when we drove all night
To find another place another time
But you decided to be free from me
You choose reality
Reality instead of me

How you can't see
You're taking life from me
Lover don't speak
You always disagree
When we can't see
Were learning to believe
Believe in what we feel
So close your eyes
I'll show you love tonight
Forever dies tonight

//

I laid the devil’s curse on you
For all those years you put us through
I’ve been living with your words around my neck

And now I always feel so wrong
’Cause you have shaped me for so long
A heart of stone and all these things I have become
I’m consumed by you

You made me carve I my own skin
Been on the outside looking in
Oh I died so young I killed myself for you

I'm growing smaller every day
Like I’m always in your way
And then blame it all one me
You can blame on me

Will you pull the trigger
Tell me what to say
I never learn
Am I in your way?

Been screaming loudless
All my life
I’ve had enough
Make sure this time I’ll be heard
I’m consumed by you

The glass I turned to
While being crucified by you
We play the skills that we’ve been dealt,
And oh I played it oh so well

Became a ghosts around this house
Distant smoke, you closed your eyes
The dead will dance for me tonight
I’m lead into the light

Will you pull the trigger
Tell me what to say
I never learn
Am I in your way?

Been screaming loudless
All my life
I’ve had enough
Make sure this time I’ll be heard
The payback that I deserve

And I need them all to know
How you were valuing my soul
That you made me think just 10 years old
That I must be the devil’s child
Convinced me with your lies
A family of hidden crimes
I won’t be quiet this time

Been screaming loudless
All my life
I’ve had enough
I just want to be heard
The payback that I deserve

I laid the devil’s curse on you
For all those years you put me through
I’ve been living with your words around my neck

And now I always feel so wrong
’Cause you have shaped me for so long
A heart of stone and all these things I have become
I’m consumed by you

13.7.13

First times

So I'm back in Portugal after 11 days in Holland at my uncle's house in Haia. This was a trip of first times and of loads of fun and also my camera kinda broke.

Day 1 (28 June)

The departure was at 20.30. It was my first time in a plane (except it wasn't cause I've travelled on a plane to Italy once but I was like 5 months old). It was like travelling by car really. I was expecting something different but yeah it was fun anyway.



Day 2

Here the fun begun.

This is were we stayed:


It was (by totally coincidence) the veterans day there so we went to a little thing in a park that had music and lots of army stuff and it was really cool. Then we basically proceeded on walking around the city. It's a fucking beautiful city.





There's a LOT of bicycles there. People basically ride bikes instead of cars. It's really confusing walking on the street cause you have to pay attention to cars, bikes and people. People literally just cross the street without worrying about crosswalks or any vehicle. I was almost run over by a bike a couple of times. I saw death really close, it's ugly.

Oh there's a lot of water too! Beautiful.




I've been dreaming of drinking a cappuccino like this for so long

Day 3

My camera is literally filled with my sister's selfies. Anyway, so on day 3 we went to the beach and to Sealife. And we ate massive pancakes with ice cream and fruits, delicious.

this cool things were all over the beach, I love that it was so colorful

my uncle being awesome and ruining my sister's pic
This pic scares me. We were in like a tunnel and here they were swimming over me. I just stood like ten minutes staring at the turtle.

Day 4

We went to an Amusement Park and it was FUCKING AWESOME! I've never been to one ((don't judge me!)) I recorded every ride from my point of view but basically everything I recorded was the ground and me and my sister screaming. Also my uncle telling my sister to shut up while laughing.

Only picture I took (we went there and it was the one were I screamed the least aka less scary)


My uncle's girlfriend (Eva - sweet girl) birthday. A bunch of people from her family and her friends came over and it was cool. I love her uncle, aunt and mum and they were there. I was tired of speaking by the end of the day.
Getting things ready:

gramma and grandpa
my uncle and Eva's friend

Day 5
Destination:


We went to a museum and to Anne Frank's house (so emotional).
You could literally stay the whole day at that museum, it was massive! We only stayed there two hours and then we went to the house and omg I loved it so much.
P.S: my knowledgment of english was precious on this trip - from speaking to everyone (I was also my grandparents's and sister's interpreter) to visiting all this places.



Anne Frank's house



excuse my face
we did not go there ):

Liam would love this (I had a great laugh here) but hey bought a shirt and some postcards for myself
if you pay close attention you can see that this houses are not straight

Day 6
This was a 'let's rest' day aka I went to the most awesome book store ever full of english books and bought five.
John Green is absolutely awesome and I finally have all his books now.


Day 7

cutest cat that was always around our house
  
This was the day that we took a two-hour car trip to Gent, Belgian. Beautiful city. We went there with no plan, we just walked around and went to some places that crossed our path.







and then we visited this castle

I would love to live here, I would just sit here reading. There were a lot of hipsters here (I was sooo picturing Harry here)

Friday & Weekend

So I have so little pictures from this last days because they were the best and I was so not worried about taking pictures.
Eva's family every year does a family weekend were everyone comes over to her uncle's summer farm house and they just hang out and camp and make campfires (going there in a minute).
We went on a little tour around the village by car and then by bike (awesome awesome awesome). It's a beautiful village.

This was a first times weekend: camped and was part of a campfire (!!!) for the very first time.

this is the house


our room

Eva's awesome uncle (it was his birthday on sunday)
PORTUGUESE FAMILY -I had to be the one with the stupid face- ((the t-shirts are an inside joke sorry))

So the campfire...

It was the best night of my life honestly.

Me and Philip (Eva's 32 year old brother) were the first people to sit on the trunks that were around the fire. He offered me a beer and I accepted it (and drank it all, proud of myself). Then everyone started to show up and we started burning marshmallow in the fire and eating them and it was delicious. We sang dutch, english, spanish and portuguese songs and danced to them.

And then after a couple of hours around midnight/one people started leaving until it was only me, Philip and Felix (Eva's 32 year old cousin). I was determined to stay there until the fire was out or everyone left cause it was being so awesome and nice and I didn't want it to end. The stars above us were shining and the fire was warm and so so nice and you could hear the crickets and frogs. It was perfect.

And then they both started talking to me. Just normal things, I did not speak to them much the all weekend so they just made some usual questions. Philip already knew my mum anyway. And I started talking about myself, how I've never done a lot of things and I was about to be 18. Like camping or a campfire or getting drunk. All of that stuff. And all Felix would say was 'Oh crap'. I wanted to laugh everytime he said it. They were sooooo surprised, especially Felix, that I've never done a fire like this one I was having.
They were also both obsessed with the why I was all day in socks. Why not barefoot or with shoes, Felix asked. That kinda made them crazy ahaha and I had no answer, I just felt like it.

And then Philip got up and went to get some drinks at the house. So I was alone with Felix. I can say a lot of things about this like 20 minutes that I was alone with him but I rather keep them to myself. We talked, I got to know a lot about him. We talked about all the things I wanted to do, all I've accomplished and about his life and about how beautiful the night was, the noises, the stars. 

And then there was a moment. A single moment that it's still stuck in my mind. It was two seconds. Maybe five. But I can't forget it. I wish that I had it recorded. Well I kinda do. In my mind. It's stuck there.
I was talking about something that I don't remember and he was looking at the ground, playing around with a stick on the soil. And then he looked up, at me and just stared, listening to whatever I was saying. And there was something about that moment, those few seconds where he just stared while I talked. It was dark, the only light came from the fire that was illuminating his face. It was like the fire was illuminating his eyes and they were staring at me and I can't explain but for five seconds I swear that I stopped breathing. I fell in love with him in those seconds, I swear.

Then Philip came back with some bottles of beer and a bottle of some wine that I can't remember the name of. And as I had previously said to them, I have never gotten drunk. So they just said 'you enjoyed the beer so now drink this'. And we shared the bottle of wine while they drank beer too. I supppose that the wine was strong, at least for someone that has never drank, I think that Felix said that it was 50% alcohol so yeah.

We then proceded our talk. They were so proud of me when I said their favourite sentence with them: 'a campfire is all about burn shit and drink'. They said it so many times that it was playing in my head like a song. Other thing that was also always playing in my mind 'we can't say/talk about it cause you're not 18 yet'. And then I would tell them, once again, that I was going to be 18 in a couple of weeks. And they would, once more. ignore.

There were two moments (besides the one I've already told) that really got stuck in my head.
When Felix said 'Tell me one thing that you're really proud that you've done'. You know what went through my mind in that moment? Nothing. I couldn't think of a single thing that I was proud of accomplishing. None. So I said 'I ate sushi once' and they just laughed. It was sad.

Other thing was when Felix asked me 
Why were you so quiet the all weekend?
I don't know
Cause now here you're so different. You're funny and outgoing. I don't know, it's just my opinion but you're so extroverted here.
Those were kinda his words, I remember specifically of the 'funny'. I had no idea what to say. No Man, like with a big M, had said that to me. I was so flattered and happy. He actually liked me for me. He, both of them actually, were enjoying my company. And that was an amazing feeling. For the first time I felt like an adult man was with me cause they wanted not cause they had to or just for being polite.

They complimented my english. They told me not to move here otherwise they would ruin me. They would get me drunk and arrested. We talked about for why we would want to get arrested (public nudity for them and trespassing for me and them). They told me about their drunk nights out (so funny). We talked about my dream of studying in England (apparently every single person in that family knows about that, and they never ever say England, always London wtf). But mostly we talked about my first times (or more like the things I've never done).
I ended up finishing the bottle.

It was fun, perfect, amazing. Best night of my life (lets not count my 1D concert).

And then Felix pissed on the fire after telling me how fun that would be to do and how you should always do that to extinct a fire and after Philip telling me that it would smeel. Bad. But it actually didn't.
Finally, for my discontent, we started walking back to the house (it was almost three) and that's when I noticed that I was a bit dizzy. Okay not a bit, I was sooo dizzy. I couldn't walk straight. There was a point were I almost went againts a tree. But Philip put his hand on my back and guided me. I think that he thought that I just couldn't see well cause it was dark. I thought that it was because I had been hours sitting in a trunck and that made my legs unable to function but then I got to the tend and sat and I still felt dizzy so I guess that I have alcohol to blame. Who would know that a beer and half a bottle of whatever that was would do that to me.
I was not (too) drunk thankfully because then I wouldn't remember anything the next morning. And this is definitely something that I want to remember forever.
 
Day 11

My uncle and his girlfriend had to work so we stayed at home. Eva left some indications for us to go either to the beach or to Delft but my gramma didn't want so we stayed. Then Eva came back from work and my gramma was still refusing to go out. She was literally spoiling our last day. Then my uncle came and she said yes. So we went to have dinner at the beach. I was pissed at her cause she didn't let me go near the water.

When I was little I was, and still am, obsessed with 'Sakura The Card Captor'

Day 12 (9 July)

I don't count this day cause our departure was at 11.30 am so we literally woke up at 7, took a train to the airport and waited for two and a half hours (yeah my grandparents exaggerate when it comes to get early at the airport).