Do not get me wrong though, I love christmas

I was thinking about christmas and was happy till I remembered that it meant family time. I love my family but sometimes not really.
I barely know half of my family (and I'm not even talking about my dad's side which is even worse).
When we get together it's awkward cause it's like I'm talking to strangers and they're so judgmental and I hate that more than anything. It's like they suddenly have opinion about everything in my life when they don't even know who I am or what has been going on with me for the past year - I guess that's the definition of family though. I love (part of) them but sometimes I can't stand them and thinking about spending so long with them all makes me want to run away.


My mum just spent an hour reciting all my flaws, physically and as a person. She's lucky that I have enough self esteem and that I don't give a fuck about what people say about me. I then told her that and she said 'that's bad cause if you'd listened to what I tell you you'd try to improve' no I'd be/feel miserable.


I used to have such close relationships with so many people - now half of them are not even in my life anymore and the other half doesn't care
when and how has this happened I don't know I don't understand

Next year I'm hopefully moving to England, all on my own, leaving everyone behind and starting a new life with new people in a new place.
it's gonna be the fucking best and I can't wait,

And if college goes wrong for me in the first year I'll be working already so I'll just start living my life the way I want to. I've never wanted to be one of those people who study/work their entire lives and forget to actually live.